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Question:
"I
find it difficult to not respond when I am attacked verbally,
I answer in a combatative fashion and will feel my heart beating
at great speed and my blood surges and I even have to hold
myself back from being physical. How can I fight these urges
and what
triggers can I use to keep my cool in normal everyday situations?"
Answer:
Firstly, there are
times when you should respond to an attack in a combatative fashion
when it is completely appropriate. However, I assume that you are talking
about situations where you would rather have a better more peaceful
option.
Realise that there is probably an underlying problem that is causing the person
to attack you verbally and try and find out what the problem is and see if you
can deal with it. If you do, their aggression will almost certainly subside.
Next, this is a job for 'Preplay' and 'Word' - Preplay is what you do in your
imagination - you imagine the events that trigger your response, you imagine
someone being verbally aggressive and you imagine yourself RESPONDING PEACEFULLY,
you imagine yourself being calm and resourceful. And along with this imagining
you 'see' or 'hear' a word that to you encompasses feelings of calm confidence.
Suppose the word for you was 'senator' - When you are next in a situation where
someone starts to be aggressive, say (to yourself) the word 'senator' and remember
the feelings of calm confidence. This will dramatically improve your ability
to remain calm. Oh, by the way, like any new skill, YES it will require some
practice.
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